Golden West Cafe

I've hitched up at Golden West at least a dozen times and the results have ranged from great to utterly retarded. It would be very easy to pick on the staff too, but it's Hampden... what can you expect? Instead, I'll just write up a short list of the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Good:
- half-price burger Mondays
- chili-cheese fries made with real chili (not that Hormel canned bullshit)
- one time they had a schnitzel special, it was splendid
- the men's bathroom walls are plastered with old LP covers that have been copiously vandalized with penis references; they always make me giggle when I'm peeing
- decent menu selection
- in recent years their notorious wait time has gotten much, much better

The Bad:
- half-price burger Mondays tends to yield sub-par results, YMMV
- the kitschy decor is kinda lame; it kinda makes you feel like the owner just didn't feel like repairing the "aged walls" and then he dumped a bunch of yard sale leftovers all over the place for decoration
- biscuits and gravy needs to be SAUSAGE gravy instead of mushroom gravy
- hot water and a tea bag sets you back $2.35, where as an iced tea is only $2.00... wtf?
- it seems that the bartenders usually never talk to you until you've been standing/sitting there for at least 2 minutes

The Ugly:
- the other day I had a multiple-mistake breakfast order: ordered eggs, sausage, biscuit and home fries but the cook decided to put mushroom gravy on everything for some reason... got the re-make order, but the eggs weren't cooked, and when I told the waitress again she didn't even respond and just took the plate back... in the kitchen they literally scrapped the eggs off my plate back onto the grill and then re-plated them, ridiculous... waitress seemed fed up with ME when she finally brought it back, and didn't even think to offer any type of discount or anything
- one morning I had the pleasant addition of a shard of porcelain in my hash browns


As always, those are just my personal experiences and I'm not boycotting the restaurant or anything. I do however suggest that you don't go during a busy window of time, like weekend brunch. It seems that most of their fuck-ups occur when they're at full capacity. Also, I've always had much better luck/service at the bar than at a table.

Golden West Café
1105 W 36th St
Baltimore, MD 21211
410-889-8891

www.goldenwestcafe.com

One World Cafe

I have never liked One World. First of all, it's too difficult to even determine whether or not they are open. The front lounge area is always so dark and you can only see if there's anyone in there after you've already driven past it. Also, is this a bar, a restaurant, a coffee shop or a pseudo-vegan bakery? The first time I went there was because it was oddly enough the last stop on a Charles Village pub crawl... ?

Identity discrepancies aside, the food is obviously catered to vegetarians and vegans, which is not normally a problem. The problem lies in that it's not very exciting, at least to me. The most rewarding food item is the french fries, but that's only because they are liberally dusted with Old Bay, A.K.A. "miracle seasoning". The falafel platter consists of six nugget-sticks that most certainly came from a freezer isle of a grocery store, and I don't think "Amy" would make something that dry either. I remember getting some tacos or something once, which were very "meh". Other than those items, I can't really remember anything else about the food... which is a bad thing.

Oh wait, I forgot... one time I went for breakfast and got the southwestern breakfast burrito, which fell apart and dripped egg-liquid the entire time. Also the "salsa" is just pico de gallo... fail.

I know too many people who like this place, which boggles my mind whenever I think about it. But then I remember that they're all vegetarian or vegan and then it makes sense. You people sure do like some gross stuff some times. Do yourself a favor and just get a vegetarian burrito from the Chipolte a few blocks away, it's a much better investment of time and digestion.

- R